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Separate from the Negative (My Break-up Gave Me Life)

Separation. It’s defined as the division of something into constituent or distinct elements. It’s the action or state of moving or being moved apart. The only problem was I was still there. I could see the empty apartment and hear my thoughts echoing off the empty walls.  His signatures on the legal papers were clear and I had just submitted our notice to vacate…so we were indeed separate BUT I was still there.  My heart was there. My thoughts were there. My dreams … right there. He consumed me. This was supposed to be us moving on, yet I stood still.  We were supposed to be on the verge of becoming one with ourselves, two distinct elements but I felt incomplete. Like half of me was being ripped away so how could I move on when part of me was walking away with my other half…HIM.  I stood still.kimfblackwhite

…and so did all things around me.  I separated from my friends, my family, my writing, and even my clients. How ironic is it that the separation from the people who made me whole and never left was so effortless yet I couldn’t bare detaching from a relationship so poisonous that its venoms deteriorated my soul.

As months passed, I couldn’t seem to find my happiness. I painted pretty pictures on social media. I wore a smile on my face but the sadness and sense of self-pity became me behind the walls of my new one bedroom apartment. I felt alone and I couldn’t snap out of it.

Until one day I had an epiphany. I realized that I was approaching this entire break-up the wrong way.  It wasn’t the separation that I couldn’t handle. It was my inability to separate that was debilitating me. My inaction caused everything around me to crumble. I had to make a move.

The voice inside me whispered, “Kim, time stands still for no one. Move.” When I thought of all the legends, the successful people, the accomplished people, the happy people, even those who have been through divorces and came out on top, I realized they all have the same 24 hours as me. They all have the same 24 hours in a day as you. It is what we decide to do with them that makes or breaks our future.

Months of inaction after my separation was proof that inaction can be just as harmful as the wrong action. Nothing changed for my good because I was stuck.  It doesn’t matter how hard it is for you to get up and take action, just do it. Make a conscious decision that every day you will do something better, bigger, bolder than yesterday. Learn to separate from the negative instances and thoughts that are keeping you down. It’s okay to recognize that they are there and it’s okay to acknowledge their presence but make moves in the opposite direction. Speak life into positive things.

And just as I can learn to speak life into my relationships and self-confidence by saying “Kimberly, you are beautiful and despite this separation your life will abundantly be filled with everlasting love and gratifying relationships…”

You can learn to speak the same life into your weight loss or fitness goals (or whatever it is troubling you) by separating yourself from negative thoughts of what you cannot do and taking action with what you can.

Choose Life. Choose Action. Don’t Sit Still. Make A Move.

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19 thoughts on “Separate from the Negative (My Break-up Gave Me Life)”

  1. Sireesha says:

    Kim, you have no idea how much I (& other clients) missed you. We had no idea what was going on! Now that we know how strong you are, this is just a phase and let us all together put our energy to move forward. You are an inspiration in many ways to people who may not even know, like my family :). Your fitness plans, nutrition plans, toughness, gentleness, confidence, belief in your self and your clients are a part of your personality. Your post is very insightful. Let us fight negativity together.

  2. Cheri says:

    Kim, this is a very moving story, and one that can be applied to anything you are going through. Very motivational!!! Thank you for sharing!

  3. Barbara Gamble says:

    Woo….. Kim, this was very deeping and motivational. I truly enjoyed reading it. I thought I was reading my life story that you had wrote for me. I do know we have the power of life and death in our speaking. I often speak life into my life… especially with the weight loss. I often find myself getting depressed because I don’t know where to begin or what to do. I have gained over 40 lbs in the last two years due to my breakup and now divorce status. I was to point where I was so depressed that I became suicidal. It’s one thing to have an affair but to take to the level where there’s a child born and to flaunt the entire situation in my face. I literally thought I was going to lose my mind.. BUT GOD. So, now here I stand with all this weight and I find myself getting depressed about my weight gain as well. But, your deep thoughts has been a blessings to me. Reading your post, I have decided to take my life back.. one day at a time. However, at the same time I know I am going to need alot of help and encouragement. Therefore, I am reaching out to you or anyone, please help me to reach my weight loss goal…

  4. Lisa says:

    Kim,
    You are right!! In ALL that you have shared
    From your Heart.
    Im sure It sounds like You have discovered,
    Your open Window:-) You. I am sure also, have
    Helped Many Many P
    eople out there whom Struggle,
    Everyday.. with Your Heart, with your knowledge of
    Exercise. Training, diets… just know that You are
    A Beautiful , Kind Hearted, Person..!!
    You Will Succeed…!!!
    I appreciate You.. I appreciate You for being
    There in my time of well, exercising. .. i used A lot
    Of your printables.. IThank You

  5. Rabia says:

    Kim always remember this is not the end of life .. Tests comes to those only who can handle them well n surely u will n u have already realised it .. U r an inspiration for all of us .. Good wishes

  6. Tammy says:

    Kim, I am glad that you have decided to “move” again. We all have those times in life in which we are standing in a puddle of quicksand struggling to save ourselves or deciding to sink into the abyss just to make the hurting stop. In October I lost my best friend to a brain hernia. This happened the day before my birthday and I am still struggling to find solid footing. This experience has forced me not to shut people out because they simply won’t allow it. The gym became my saving grace; it was the one place that I could breathe for an hour without putting on the I’m alright mask. I am slowly separating myself from the questions of why and what if. I have to remember that the only way out of the quicksand is with help and slow, steady movement.

  7. stephanie says:

    Wow!!! beautifully written, this touch me and reminded me we all have different struggle, but when we stand still with God!!! he helps us to keep moving forward !!! thanks for sharing

  8. Katie says:

    Good words, such an important message. When something knocks me down, my first instinct is to withdraw and freeze up, too. I’ve found to get out of it I need to tell myself – “Just DO something!” That gets me moving in a direction, gets projects started and spirals me into a better place. Movement is a healer! And your workouts always get me back in action when I’m in a fitness slump! Thank you!

  9. fitgirl58 (Deborah Fay) says:

    Kim, I really missed getting emails from you and thought of you often. Thank you for your courage to share your trial. You have been an inspiration to this 55 year old woman and I know you will come through this stronger. God has some special things and people waiting just for you. I came out of a 22 year marriage and my life is BETTER THAN EVER. Yours will be too. You have so much to look forward to and a whole life ahead of you. You’re very talented. Keep the Faith. We’ll hang in there with you!

  10. Lee says:

    What a powerful writing. I endured a divorce at 27 years old, and left to raise an adorable 4 year old alone. I was scared, unsure and broken. I put up a wall so thick that no one was getting through to ever hurt me again. It took some time but I realized as long as I held onto the hurt, I allowed it to have power over me. I had to forgive to set myself free. I had always exercised my whole life but let it slip when I got married, baby etc. I got back into running, working out and that is where my strength – mental and physical comes from. You are an amazing person and I admire your work ethic. You inspire me to push myself harder each day. So, chin up girl, you are worth every ounce of being. Live each day the best you can and live it for YOU! We love your fitness site and you have many friends that are here to support you!

  11. Alma says:

    Kim.
    Thank you for sharing your insights, your pain and growth inspire us all. I am sorry for this difficult transitional time you are going through, but be certain “this too shall pass”.
    You are a beautiful, smart and inspiring person don’t let the “separation” get in the way of honoring who you are and what a difference you make.

  12. April Rorie says:

    KIM…… Keep It Moving. The name is very fitting. This is something I really needed. I get your emails and I really haven’t done much with them other than read them, but today you made my thoughts move! You are absolutely right! I need to choose to move. Your story is so inspirational, and uplifting. I choose to move! I choose to live! I choose to Keep It Moving! Thank you KIM!

  13. Laura Wilson says:

    Kim, Thank you for sharing!! You are a wonderful,beautiful woman inside out! Thank you for all you do for us and for giving us hope and inspiration!! Im proud of you!!

  14. Ava Ashley says:

    Kim,
    You needed to go through this experience as a way to continue your mission to help others with their wellness.
    As you can see, you have encouraged others who have or are experiencing similar painful break ups.

    I needed to read this today as I question my relationship. I truely thank you for courageously sharing. I need to just recite the beautiful affirmation daily to remove the my negative thoughts I have about myself and my personal failures and setbacks.

    I look forward to reading about your jouney forward. I am sure you will continue to encourage us all.
    Peace and blessings

    Ava

  15. Sylvia says:

    Thanks for posting this Kim 🙂 We all know you’re talented at fitness, also at cooking ( what a pleasant surprise ) What we didn’t know was that something strange was going on … first, the website crashing, then the passwords stopped working, now the source of all those negative energies … which had nothing to do with the internet at all.

    We’re all human, and I can’t imagine a better time than the holidays to reach out to people … new people like me, or people you’ve influenced for quite a while.

    Have a peaceful holiday, Kim. Believe me, you’re not the only single lady in the world 😉

  16. Carol J says:

    Kim, It’s so good to know you are standing strong against the dementors!

    As others here have said, you are a kind, beautiful, inspiring woman. The new year is going to be wonderful for you, just you wait and see. I can say that with authority because you’ve just risen and started the journey to make it so.

    Sending you a little blessing, right here*right now, which as soon as you take hold of it will explode with JOY, LoVe, HaPPineSS, Brilliance, and Health.

    Aloha

  17. Kat says:

    Thank you for sharing your experience with us! you truly are an inspiration and how i found you on the net has been a real co-incidence, i am going through the exact same life experience as you have been through. what a soldier girl you are. March on and continue doing what your’re doing. xxxx

  18. Joanne says:

    Kim your words could not have come at a better time for me. My situation is entirely different, but still your words are inspiring. I have been coping with my significant other being very ill. I have sunk into a world of just taking care of him. I have rarely gone out with friends or even shopping. I go to work and take him to doctors and hospitals. Our entire lives are surrounded by his illness and treatment. I have separated myself from living. I am trying harder now to separate his illness and finding time for me to live life.I have not left him or anything like that and I wont, but I have come to the realization that I am not sick and should be taking time for me and to try to enjoy life more. Thank you for this artlicle

  19. Crystal says:

    Kim—KeepItMoving.,

    I was wondering what happened to you, but I am so glad that you are doing much better. Life is full of surprises and obstacles. Going through a break up and moving into different spaces is never easy. Just remember this: If the relationship you had with your lover was good, then it was wonderful but if the relationship was bad, then it was an experience for you to learn from. Exes are an Ex for a reason..Experience or Examples of what not to get yourself tied up in. You can’t change your past and ONLY you control your happiness. Stay strong and tomorrow is always a new beginning. Don’t be so down on yourself, you have attracted so many people who ADMIRE and love your work like myself and we look FORWARD to see your next upcoming uploads on YT and your website/newletters..God see’s everything in your life before it happens and he knew this would happen, but you didn’t..2013 is almost over and 2014 can only get better. U been at the BOTTOM so now all you have left is to go to the TOP..no excuses. Take care and god bless my dear!

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